Up-to-date on the Ex-date

The web provides us with a plethora of information at our fingertips, and that has been amazing in so many ways, but a downfall in others. It not only gives us educational information or provides us with the closet route to our destination, but it also gives us up-to-date, top of the hour, information on our exes.

 

The past can never be the past when the internet is a database of our personal lives. As much as you want to put someone behind you, they’ll always be in your life, that is, your virtual life.

 

I wonder, how can we let go when that very heavy temptation lays right in front of us a click away. It’s easy to say, “Don’t look,” but let’s be real, you’re going to look. Whether, it is once a week, once a month, or once a year, you’re going to get updated on the ex. Now I don’t think that there’s a firm solution, but it’s annoying that have that information at hand. Before,when you broke up with someone, you would hear updates thru hearsay (if people even dared to mention the blasted man in front of you) or you would have a NY moment when he pops out of nowhere and makes your heart sink to the floor; but now he’s there, in your computer, 24-7 constantly updating his profile, and having little messages from girls saying, “I miss you,” “Love ya, xoxox” and “Thanks for your help!”

 

And you wonder, when did he ever help you, who misses him, does he miss you, he got a new job? A new girlfriend? Wait. Who’s that ? And so the torture begins and continues. But I believe that this is when a bit of self-control needs to be exerted and distractions need to be increased.

 

He moved on, why can’t you? He is missed, why can’t someone miss you. That’s the important thing when coping with the ex-update and that is to update yourself, don’t dwell. Go on with your life because not only is it the healthiest thing to do, but why dwell on someone that has so obviously moved on from you? I mean, really, how pathetic is it to sit there and watch (or read) someone going on with your life, while you’re still dwelling? It’s pretty sad. . .

 

I’m not going to say don’t look, but I will make you feel bad about looking. Don’t dwell, move on, update your life and don’t focus on what’s changing in your ex’s, it’ll only drive you mad and make you look mighty sad, as well as bad . . .

 

**** The rhyming is corny, but it’ll help you remember.

Who’s the Boss?

Whether we want to admit it or not, there is a strong power dynamic in relationships in the sense that one person is more dominant than the other. In a traditional sense it has always been the man, but in this day and age when women are taking more dominant roles in the “outer sphere” as well as the “inner sphere”, we want more control in our relationships, but this can and has caused problems in relationships. This power struggle could be the answer to divorce rates because when women had less demands there was less divorce and now that women expect more from their relationships, they are finding themselves alone.

 

Relationships aren’t equal, but they need balance like ying/yang. There’s black, there’s white and a little bit of each in each other. I can’t say who is suppose to have the upper hand, but a friend told me that a man has to feel that he’s the one in power; it’s biological, it’s in their blood to be the one in control. Is this true? Are men biologically rigged to be the dominant figure in relationships? Although, my friend says “yes”, I say it depends. I am a strong, independent woman, but I understand the psychology of men. I know that a man needs to feel in control of the situation in order to be happy, but the thing is making a man feel that he is in control while you are really in control.

 

But you’ll only be in the driver’s seat if you pick the right passenger. That’s right. If you pick the right person, the balance happens and then you, happily, let nature take its course because you trust your man. I’m not saying that as women, we can’t be strong and powerful, but most men feel good when they can provide and make decisions, confident, that we’ll be supportive of their judgment.

 

Now, not all men are like this, some men need to be cuddled and babied because they never learned how to be men. In these situations we can take the reigns, but. . . you can’t criticize if your man doesn’t step up to the plate. That’s the thing, if you want a man that cooperates, considers, appreciates and strives to step it up, then you need to find a man with these qualities. You can’t make a baby a man; a man comes to age on his own. So if you want a man that makes moves, you, obviously, can’t pick one that doesn’t, and expect him to take charge.

 

So I guess it’s all about preference, and conscious, intelligent decisions, but the reality is we’re a bit more complicated. See, I am a dominant woman, but at the same time I want a partner that is more dominant than me, but in a compassionate way. I need a man that listens to me and takes me into consideration while still taking the reigns. Complex? Yeh, but it is all part of life.

 

I say, just make sure you know what role you want to play in a relationship, whether you want to be Queen Elizabeth I or Mrs. Cleaver.