My last post on Internet Drama had a more hopeful tone than most of my other posts, and ironically, right after I wrote it, I found hope. I promised myself to never make this blog extremely personal but I guess, sometimes, you just have to let go. And that’s what I did; I met someone and let myself go. I let myself feel instead of keeping my guard up and not letting him in. In relationships, I have always been more concerned with protecting myself than enjoying it, but I decided to try something different especially since he was giving me every reason to open up. I wish I could say it was completely the right move, but it wasn’t. As much as I enjoyed this man’s company and as compatible and intense as our courtship was, I still got hurt.
They say that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but I’m not sure that I completely agree with that statement. Is the pain that you feel after a heartbreak worth the momentary happiness? I guess that’s personal but in my opinion, it’s not. It just hurts so much more than it felt good or is it that the pain is equally as intense as the love? That’s most likely it. It hurts so much because you get so invested.
It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of a relationship because I’m such a cynic, but I believe in loving completely. Mind, body, and soul. I believe in giving yourself, selflessly to that person. But, because I have such an idyllic view on love, I don’t believe. I know that most people are incapable of loving to that capacity.
This experience with the lovely man has definitely made me even more skeptical because good and bad guys, alike, are capable of hurting you. I’m personally losing faith, but for those of you who have a less complicated view on love, be careful. Expect the unexpected. Relationships can be a major train wreck or smooth sailing. Be prepared because love can cause so much joy and pain in your life and it all comes down to you to make these experiences, in their entirety, rewarding.