Letting Go

My last post on Internet Drama had a more hopeful tone than most of my other posts, and ironically, right after I wrote it, I found hope. I promised myself to never make this blog extremely personal but I guess, sometimes, you just have to let go. And that’s what I did; I met someone and let myself go. I let myself feel instead of keeping my guard up and not letting him in. In relationships, I have always been more concerned with protecting myself than enjoying it, but I decided to try something different especially since he was giving me every reason to open up. I wish I could say it was completely the right move, but it wasn’t. As much as I enjoyed this man’s company and as compatible and intense as our courtship was, I still got hurt.

They say that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but I’m not sure that I completely agree with that statement. Is the pain that you feel after a heartbreak worth the momentary happiness? I guess that’s personal but in my opinion, it’s not. It just hurts so much more than it felt good or is it that the pain is equally as intense as the love? That’s most likely it. It hurts so much because you get so invested.

It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of a relationship because I’m such a cynic, but I believe in loving completely. Mind, body, and soul. I believe in giving yourself, selflessly to that person. But, because I have such an idyllic view on love, I don’t believe. I know that most people are incapable of loving to that capacity.

This experience with the lovely man has definitely made me even more skeptical because good and bad guys, alike, are capable of hurting you. I’m personally losing faith, but for those of you who have a less complicated view on love, be careful. Expect the unexpected. Relationships can be a major train wreck or smooth sailing. Be prepared because love can cause so much joy and pain in your life and it all comes down to you to make these experiences, in their entirety, rewarding.

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4 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. I completely agree. I do not think it’s worth it sometimes…I think loving hurts like hell. And I have lied awake many many nights with tears burning my eyes and all I can think about is the boy (whom I still am madly in love with) and how I wonder if it was worth it.
    I love so passionately and intensely and thats something I don’t regret – I don’t regret loving him to my absolute fullest capability. But some nights I regret the timing of starting it, and the timing of ending it. But I try so hard to not have regrets…
    Anyways great blog! 🙂 I’d love to hear your feedback on my story!

    1. I read your blog and I must say you are extremely brave! I think that you just need to heal and let go at your own speed, but you have to want to move on. No one can tell you to get over him except yourself. I’m not the type to give unrealistic advice and say f*** him because I know it’s not that easy. Every situation is different and no one can ever really understand how we feel or what goes on in a relationship because that relationship is between two people and these two people share an intimacy that others can’t understand or see. So, BadIdea, although hooking up with a taken guy is not the best idea, you’re focus now should be healing, if you want, and I think it’s great that you’re not forcing yourself to be with someone that you don’t like. It’s not fair to him or you.

      So, basically,keep up with the bad ideas until you get the closure you need, but don’t push the envelope too much, you don’t want to get a restraining order put against you.

  2. Thanks. Yeah I don’t want to get a restraining order either – I hope so much it does come to that since I know he knows how that feels (he had one on him a few years back from an ex-gf) I just wish more then anything we could be friends. Thanks so much for the advice. 🙂

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