Black Women and Love

I have seen the disadvantages of being a black woman in the dating game since the age of 10. I blamed society for perpetuating standards and ideals that Black women* fall short of; but as I got older and in the midst of all this “Black Women Will Never Marry” frenzy, I realized that although this is a societal, cultural, and community problem, it’s much more an individual problem. Black women have much more control over their dating and marital status than they think they do.

I’m not a serial dater, but I’ve never had a problem snagging the man that I want,whether it lasted or not, that’s a different issue, but I think our problem is our attitude. As professional, educated black women, we have a sense of entitlement, but a relationship isn’t based on “Are you good on paper?”, it’s about character, compatibility, and love. Having a BA and a MA qualifies you for a job, not a relationship. What does it matter if you’re the most educated woman in the world, but you are resentful and negative. Who wants to deal with that? I assure you, black women, that it’s not your success that is messing up your love life but your attitude.

Way too often I see a group of beautiful, accomplished black women and, honestly, they seem standoffish. There’s an aura of burden, eagerness, and resentment. I think that we have to relax and be comfortable enough in our own skin to know our value and know that if we want a relationship we can have a relationship. What’s stopping black women from having a relationship is the fact that we are hung up on “there aren’t enough professional brothers out there,” or “no one wants an educated black woman.” These thoughts need to stop because they are doing us a huge injustice.

Every black woman that I know, professional and “unprofessional”, who has an open-mind and open-heart when it comes to love finds it, again whether it lasts or not that’s a different issue, but the opportunity is there.

Once black women stop measuring love by money, education, and status and starts focusing on a man’s heart and compatibility then they will be in a better place, but most importantly when we start believing we can find love, it will come to us.

* When I say black women, I speak about black women across all nationalities.

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4 thoughts on “Black Women and Love

  1. I love this. it is so true. I may have to share this with some of my girls and I hope it is alright. Good stuff to read. I love it. I’m definately going to think about this.

  2. Recently, I saw a clip on ABC Nightline reporting 42% of Black Women are single and can not find equal, successful, smart, ambitious, loyal, respectful, committed, honest, spiritual, & marriage minded (single BMW’s -Black Men Working). I was so, so, so surprised because I was born and raised in Chicago, IL. and I often saw wonderful, supportive BMW’s all of my life. My parents Mr. & Mrs. Roosevelt Roberson have been married over 41 years. My father is absolutely amazing and I just LOVE MY DADDY, ROOSEVELT ROBERSON SR.! My father gave me the best gift by showing me how a man should treat a woman/ wife/ daughter/ neighbor/ co-worker/friend/& friends! My daddy is absolutely the best. My daddy have always supported my sibling and myself. He instill in us to strive to be our very best. As a result, I always knew when I got married that I was going to find a man who took care of BUSINESS just like my dad. Personally, I have been engaged 2 times and married twice to two exceptional Black Men. My first husband Byron, is an excellent father and provider for our son Jared and we have the BEST POST DIVORCE RELATIONSHIP that anyone could possibly wish for in the World with Absolutely Zero Drama. My current husband Joseph is absolutely amazing, incredible, great, brilliant and fantastic to say the least. He husband propose just after 4 month of knowing me & tell me that it was his best decision. I must agree! I will share just a little, my husband is a hard worker, loves God, loves me and loves our children! What more can you ask for plus MY HUSBAND COOKS EVERYDAY! He truly makes me feel like I won the lotto everyday! Plus, I even got a bonus because he is 6′ 4″ and wonderful EYE Candy in my opinion! So ladies please stay encouraged. Finally, make no mistake that we are humans & we sometime disagree. However, just like Oprah states one thing I know for sure is that “I LOVE Joseph E. Rowe and daily I support, affirm, encourage and will continue to be his missing rib until the good Lord call me home.

    As a result of my experiences, I want to invites others to share their personal stories of positive, strong, support Black Love to encourage all the single Black Queens & Princess waiting on their Kings & Princes. Love you guys and looking forward to all the wonderful stories to come!!! SISTERS KEEP THE FAITH!

    1. Thank you so much for this positive and candid post. I believe that our inability to find love has more to do with our attitudes and expectations. Although, I am extremely sarcastic and cynical, in my heart of hearts I know that love is out there and it is out there for anyone that keeps an open heart and mind. I think too often our ideas about love get misconstrued because of our choices in men.

      Interestingly you’re from Chicago, don’t you think that your geographical location may also have a hand in your successful love life? I’m from NY and I find that this is not the epicenter of educated, respectful BMW. I think it’s a different social scene in Chicago and Washington, DC.

      Thanks for sharing and your post gives testament and hope that love is out there for black women.

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