I have seen the disadvantages of being a black woman in the dating game since the age of 10. I blamed society for perpetuating standards and ideals that Black women* fall short of; but as I got older and in the midst of all this “Black Women Will Never Marry” frenzy, I realized that although this is a societal, cultural, and community problem, it’s much more an individual problem. Black women have much more control over their dating and marital status than they think they do.
I’m not a serial dater, but I’ve never had a problem snagging the man that I want,whether it lasted or not, that’s a different issue, but I think our problem is our attitude. As professional, educated black women, we have a sense of entitlement, but a relationship isn’t based on “Are you good on paper?”, it’s about character, compatibility, and love. Having a BA and a MA qualifies you for a job, not a relationship. What does it matter if you’re the most educated woman in the world, but you are resentful and negative. Who wants to deal with that? I assure you, black women, that it’s not your success that is messing up your love life but your attitude.
Way too often I see a group of beautiful, accomplished black women and, honestly, they seem standoffish. There’s an aura of burden, eagerness, and resentment. I think that we have to relax and be comfortable enough in our own skin to know our value and know that if we want a relationship we can have a relationship. What’s stopping black women from having a relationship is the fact that we are hung up on “there aren’t enough professional brothers out there,” or “no one wants an educated black woman.” These thoughts need to stop because they are doing us a huge injustice.
Every black woman that I know, professional and “unprofessional”, who has an open-mind and open-heart when it comes to love finds it, again whether it lasts or not that’s a different issue, but the opportunity is there.
Once black women stop measuring love by money, education, and status and starts focusing on a man’s heart and compatibility then they will be in a better place, but most importantly when we start believing we can find love, it will come to us.
* When I say black women, I speak about black women across all nationalities.