“Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”
I don’t believe that there is a lesson in every life experience, sometimes sh*t just happens, but there are some experiences that we must recognize the reasons for and make sure we prevent them from happening again. Love is one of them.
I have a tendency to pick guys with potential but who are amazingly unstable in their present condition, meaning money problems, unsure of their future, etc. So, although I see all that they’re capable of achieving and they speak of all they want to achieve, they are never taking the necessary steps to make their goals a reality. Because these men aren’t go-getters in life, they show no initiative in relationships. If you’re unable to stabilize yourself outside a relationship, what can you possibly offer someone within one? With that, I need to make conscious decisions in my next relationships to not negotiate on stability, so that I don’t fall into the perpetual cycle of “picking the wrong man.” I learned, the hard way, but I learned nonetheless, and if I make the same mistake again, it’s my own fault.
Each relationship should teach you what you want and don’t want from future ones therefore stopping you from picking the same type of guy over and over again. It’s masochistic to put yourself, continually, in the same situations. If you see that you’re consistently getting hurt in relationships and you’re seeing a pattern in the men you meet, then you have to step back and recognize that you’re making wrong choices. There’s only so much blame that you can put on men because although you can’t decipher every man that comes your way or predict that he’ll do a 180 in a few months, you should at least proceed with caution. Make sure you get to know the man before you put all your eggs in one basket and if you see characteristics in him that you recognize in your previous demise then walk away. There’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself.
Now, I’m not going to say this easy nor is a man’s defects always immediately apparent but there are red flags, big or small, and it’s your responsibility to recognize them.