Lessons Learned

“Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”

I don’t believe that there is a lesson in every life experience, sometimes sh*t just happens, but there are some experiences that we must recognize the reasons for and make sure we prevent them from happening again. Love is one of them.

I have a tendency to pick guys with potential but who are amazingly unstable in their present condition, meaning money problems, unsure of their future, etc. So, although I see all that they’re capable of achieving and they speak of all they want to achieve, they are never taking the necessary steps to make their goals a reality. Because these men aren’t go-getters in life, they show no initiative in relationships. If you’re unable to stabilize yourself outside a relationship, what can you possibly offer someone within one? With that, I need to make conscious decisions in my next relationships to not negotiate on stability, so that I don’t fall into the perpetual cycle of “picking the wrong man.” I learned, the hard way, but I learned nonetheless, and if I make the same mistake again, it’s my own fault.

Each relationship should teach you what you want and don’t want from future ones therefore stopping you from picking the same type of guy over and over again. It’s masochistic to put yourself, continually, in the same situations. If you see that you’re consistently getting hurt in relationships and you’re seeing a pattern in the men you meet, then you have to step back and recognize that you’re making wrong choices. There’s only so much blame that you can put on men because although you can’t decipher every man that comes your way or predict that he’ll do a 180 in a few months, you should at least proceed with caution. Make sure you get to know the man before you put all your eggs in one basket and if you see characteristics in him that you recognize in your previous demise then walk away.  There’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself.

Now, I’m not going to say this easy nor is a man’s defects always immediately apparent but there are red flags, big or small, and it’s your responsibility to recognize them.

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3 thoughts on “Lessons Learned

  1. totally. I recently just stopped myself from going there with my usual “hot-dumb guy” and I feel great about. I’ve finally figured out that my pattern sucks and I need to wait for something better. It’s not as hard as I thought, because for the most part I meet douchebags. I just need to make sure that boredom doesn’t get the best of me. evil boredom. anyway, preach on sister.

    1. When you figure out your pattern, you also take control of your love life and can consciously recognize good and bad situations and decide if you want to deal with them or not. Glad that you’ve learned your lesson early on because it means you’ll definitely have a higher successful in your future relationships. Good for you!

  2. Let’s be honest–most guys are douche bags. There’s maybe one time in their whole lives when they’re ready to get married and treat a gal well, and the rest of the time, they’re just saying whatever they have to in order to get laid. They don’t care about our feelings as long as they’re getting what they want. It’s not like there are all of these great, marriageable men knocking down our doors. It’s just loser after loser after loser. You have to decide how long the loser gets to stick around, or if you want to be completely alone, and the game playing just gets really old.

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