Winners and Losers: The Dichotomy of Dating

I am constantly trying to figure out the inner-workings of a man’s mind; a dark and dangerous mental adventure, but I can’t help it. So many of the things that they do boggle my mind, and I can’t accept that they are just stupid or bad ( although I believe this the majority of the time) , there must be a method to their madness.

Men want to feel that they are on top of everything and they will do whatever they need to do to be the winner because in every situation there is a winner and a loser (unless there is a true understanding of love) and men want to be the winner every time and exit knowing that they have the control. So, the mechanism and techniques of a man is to assure that he can get what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants it.

Now the question is, how do women handle this? I personally have always needed to maintain emotional control in my dating life and even when a situation ends bad or the control switches are flipped, I have to regain them. The tactic is simple, self-control. Give what YOU want in a relationship and do not fulfill his every whim and desire. Also don’t disappear in the relationship, even if he creates an atmosphere of “lovey-doviness” and intensity, make sure you keep your wits. Enjoy it for what it is but proceed with caution. Because although a man might be intensely into you in the beginning, the reality is that his attention-span is short and that excessive display of love and like will eventually teeter out. So instead of feeling lost and confused when he starts calling you every other day instead every single day be prepared and unfazed for when it happens.

Along with self-control and distance, also be aware and responsive to the change in the relationship. If things change, you change. Don’t continue to give it all and only get a little bit in return. When he’s giving 100%, you give 100%, when he goes to 90-80-70, then you give 85-75-65, respectively, so that you can maintain a hold and power in the relationship. He won’t notice that you’re giving less because he’s giving less, and you’ve always given so much that anything you do is amazing. Now, if you’re not capable of being in a relationship that is not 100% then you need to leave as soon as you see it going downhill. It’s hard and scary to walk away from a relationship but when you walk away you’re walking away from something that is going nowhere or it is an opportunity to scare the crap out of the guy so that he gets his act together.

Although, I’m not an advocate for games, I think that we need to make adjustments as per the situation. If you have an amazing guy that gives you is all and isn’t fickle then you’re good, but if you’re in a position that you enjoy someone’s company and they tend to get kind of shady on you then you need to take the necessary steps to not get hurt and come out the winner and he the loser.


2 thoughts on “Winners and Losers: The Dichotomy of Dating

  1. Well i think thats kind of true, it is important to make sure you are tactical in dating but i am not sure i buy the winner vs loser tactics. I think that sounds like a particularly jaded perspective and although i am VERY cynical about men who play games i am not entirely sure this is the best way to go about it.

    As much as i dont like putting myself out there to get hurt, there really isn’t another way to also feel loved.

    1. I agree that you have to put yourself out there to find love but there is a definite power struggle in dating hence we get winners and losers. Often we’re in a position where we’re not getting what we want out of a relationship and our partner makes a decision for us which makes it all the more difficult to cope with breakups and bad relationships. From personal experience I know that I have always kept my defenses up and when I let them down, the guy had the one up on me and I got hurt. I know that not everyone is like that but I know many that are and I think it’s important to protect yourself and come out the winner, in the sense that you’re not crying your eyes out while the next person moves on.

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