Can’t We be Friends? Please?

I have no idea why when relationships end you can’t be friends. Okay, I understand why but each situation is different. I think that there is a way to honor the relationship and bond you shared with that person all while moving on. There are certain people that need to be ejected but there are others that can be salvaged and serve a purpose in your life. I mean, seriously, where does the love go? I mean I know I’ve asked this question  before but I believe that the love doesn’t necessarily need to go anywhere.

For the most part I have so much love and emotions for my exes except for the sociopath. I respect and appreciate their role in my development. Although I don’t want a romantic relationship, I do want a relationship because I continue to like them as individuals. Is that so crazy? I think Marion from”2 Days in Paris” said it best in a conversation with her boyfriend after running into an ex:

I don’t know, maybe I’m French ( I am fluent in the language, have studied abroad there twice, and want to live there) but this is the most logical and mature approach to break ups. Something about the person attracted you to him/her. Something in their personality made you stay. Do we ignore these character traits because romantically it didn’t work? Can’t we differentiate the romantic part and the personality piece? I think we can but it’s so much easier to ignore it all.

When I chose to date someone, I always ask myself is this someone I would like to have in my life? Not just my romantic life but my life as whole? My life doesn’t only consist of romance. It consists of many different elements so when the romance ceases, this person can most definitely remain in my life. I think I have a good track record with the exes. With the exception of the sociopath (of course) I can send them all cordial or platonic emails or ring them up for a nice conversation.

I know this isn’t the American Way but it works for me and maybe it would placate some of the bitterness and bad feelings that the end of a relationship can create.

Thoughts? Can you be friends with your ex? Do you think that the romantic side of a relationship supersedes every other aspect of it?

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4 thoughts on “Can’t We be Friends? Please?

  1. It might be too early in my breakup to respond to your query regarding friendships and breakups -it’s been about 3 weeks… The relationship lasted more than a year. The breakup was somewhat amicable but it was initiated by him. There’s still lots of love and we both cried a lot. Immediately we decided that we would have to be friends. Our lives were so intertwined, we’d become the best of friends -how could we not?!

    I have yet to make it through a single day without at least getting teary-eyed. Yesterday I came to the realization that this was because every phone call, text or outing was worsening the wound. We’re so comfy and amicable that it doesn’t feel real to me. I need to detangle our lives and find my life again, remove the we from the me; I need my heart to heal over.

    Yesterday I told him that we can’t be friends, at least not yet. I Love him and wish him well but until my heart can think of him or see him without skipping a beat or wishing for more then we’ll never be friends.

    Le Français, c’est ma langue et mon pays adopté aussi. Je voudrais la philosophie de Marion pour la mienne. Mais pour l’instant c’est claire que je viens plutôt de l’Amérique du Nord.

    1. You definitely need time to heal before you can become friends again because spending time with each other will be too close to being in a relationship. It’ll seem like nothing has changed and you’ll get wrapped up in all the emotions. You definitely need some “you” time to create some distance and get your emotions together. Take your time. As long as you love each other, respect each other, and most importantly recognize the value that you may give each other outside of a romantic relationship, you will be friends.

      Pour le moment, pense à toi!

  2. C’est intéressant. Avec les gars du passés, c’était moi qui a toujours brisé leur coeur. Le concept de rester amicale était simple. Maintenant c’est moi qui est plus blessée. C’est une expérience inconnue.

  3. Je te comprend. Il est plus facil à continuer sa route quand on est la briseuse de coeur plutôt que la victime mais ca y ‘est. Ca va passer. Il y a quelqu’un meilleur ailleur et si non peut-etre tu et ton ex pourraissent se réunir!

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