I Think It’s Called Being Single

It’s been a few weeks of writer’s block because for the first time in 13 years I have no men problems. I find myself completely single. No boyfriend. No dating. No crushing. No desire.

I don’t know what to call this. Maybe this is what it means to be single. To worry about other things besides relationships and decoding men and focus on you. I’ve heard my friends talk about it and do it. Self-imposed “focus on me time.” My “focus on me time” is semi-self-imposed (can I triple hyphen a word?) and universally imposed meaning that the universe hasn’t tempted me out of seclusion with anyone worthwhile.

I’m thankful for it and I think every woman should have it because when you finally get out of the boy-crazy frenzy then you really grow because you’re not thinking about them and their alien tendencies. You’re thinking about yourself and what you need to be fulfilled and happy. Focusing on yourself is both necessary and crucial. I can sincerely say that in the 3 months that I have boy-free, I have probably developed the most I ever had in a lifetime.

I have had the time to reflect on me and find the lessons and meanings of my misfortunes and fortunes. I realize now that I was preoccupied by all the stress that men were causing me and therefore unable to make sense of everything that was happening to me.

I’m thankful for this time of reflection, for the opportunity to develop some clarity and direction in life. And you should be thankful too. Being in a relationship has its good and bad but being single is better because more than anything you can spend time with yourself and understand yourself.

Tell me. Do you agree? Is being single an amazingly liberating moment of self-discovery? Do you think being single is better than being in a relationship? What have you discovered from your singledom?

[image: Michael Keller/Corbis ]

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14 thoughts on “I Think It’s Called Being Single

  1. I remember the time when I got out of a 3 year relationship and remained single for 3 months ( I wasn’t single for that long though). It was the best experience I’ve ever had because it was all about me. I shopped for myself. I felt great about myself and I focused on me. I didn’t care about boys and all I ever cared was basically… enjoying life. I’ve learned a lot about life, it’s misfortunate events and of the things that I can make out of it. It’s great to be single! It felt like it was the freedom that I desired more than anything else in the world.

    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks being single is empowering! And not everyone needs to be single for a longtime. You’re 3 months set you up for your current love and others might need a year or two or three!

  2. You are definitely what I’d call a true single person. You are not really single, because that implies that you have a desire to be part of a couple, when that isn’t the case right now. You are completely content in being single and enjoying the lack of complication in your life. Not a lot of people can be comfortable being just who they are. I give you madd props! Live it up! And yes, you can double hyphenate. Why not? It’s your blog!

    1. Thanks! I completely understand what you’re saying. You have people that see being single as a problem that needs to be solved or they try to hard to be that aloof single person when being single is just being happy being you and not thinking about it too much.

    1. That’s an amazing hiatus! That means that you’ve really taken the time to know what you want and you are. I’m sure there will be something extra special awaiting at the end of this long journey!

      And the dating game has most definitely changed!

  3. And that, is the key word, I suspect … “game”. If it wasn’t , perhaps it would all be easier. After all, we are all dealing with our emotional well being in the process – something that should not be ‘played’ with – and yet, we all do.

    It has been a long hiatus – but being a parent has something to do with that. The ‘self-improvement’ process was part and parcel. Too often, I have seen friends put their children through numerous relationships. Given that I parent by example, it was important for me to show my daughter that as a woman, and as a mother, whilst relationships are important, a certain degree of independence is even more so.

    1. That makes sense that you take time out to focus on your daughter and be a positive role model. My mother and aunt chose the same path. It’s amazing how much a mother sacrifices for her child.

  4. I’ve been single for almost 7 years now, and as much as I dislike it, there are still times when I think, glad I’m single! This may be when you hear about unhappy relationships and boyfriends behaving badly, but some of the simpler things too, such as a reduced phone bill, no passenger seat commentary on your driving, parking and direction skills, no petty arguments at the supermarket over which brand of what to buy, no sharing the remote, or the doona, or the bathroom!
    You are right, it can be refreshing, and liberating and a time to be stress free.
    Would I trade it all for love though? In a heartbeat.

  5. Hi, I’m new to the blogs but was pleased to run into yours.

    Up until last year I was a habitual-single who would go in and out of men-dating-phases. I LOVED being single for all the reasons you wrote about. While I’ve had some longish-term periods of monogamous-but-casual-dating, I fell into my first real relationship last May.

    I’m two weeks broken-up and realize that it’s going to be a slow readjustment. But I’ve already started ‘detoxing’. My apartment feels like ‘my place’ again! I’ve reorganized, and done some redecorating to give myself a fresh start. Tomorrow I’m cropping and colouring, 2 things I did less with The Ex, because he preferred longer hair in my natural colour.

    We are still friends and I love him but until we weren’t together, I didn’t realize that I was giving up bits of myself. I’m taking ME back!

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