I’m the first to admit that when it comes to men and relationships, I suffer from an out-of-control jealousy. I’m possessive. Okay, but to my own defense all of my other qualities supersede this characteristic. Recently this green eyed mega-monster was tested when I found out that my ex was dating. I know, I know, that’s your ex, why do you care?
Well, besides being an automatic jealous beast ( and for the record, my jealousy isn’t about insecurity because I know my worth), I was with this man for 10 years, and have known him for 20 (mind you, I’m in my 20’s), I feel an unbreakable connection to him, one that I don’t want to lose but at the same time I know it’s ridiculous for me not to expect him to move on. I know that it’s difficult to let go of an ex but it must be done.
Now I don’t think all ties must be severed especially in my case but there needs to be a process of detachment. It’ll always be painful to see him move on (especially when it’s a downgrade, didn’t he learn anything? *cough*) but it’s not fair to hold onto to someone and stop him from moving on with his life and honestly these emotional ties won’t allow you to move on either. Therefore I present you with 4 steps to move on, emotionally, from that ex that you want you still want to be friends with.
1) Limit communication. Distance yourself. That person is so entrenched in your life and you need to readjust it to not include him. Once you’ve learned to fill that void with other things, you won’t be so reliant.
2) Regroup. Talk about how you feel about each other, your relationship, and friendship. Be clear about your feelings and expectations of each other so that you can move on to having a stress-free and productive role in your lives.
3) Don’t talk about your relationships. I know, I know, if you’re suppose to be friends then you should be able to be open, well not in this friendship. Every friendship has its purpose and this one’s doesn’t include sharing your love life. Relationship convos are out because the truth is you don’t want to hear about your ex conoddling with another woman. One way or another, he’s still your ex.
4) Move On!You broke up and you’re not together. Move on and live your life and let him live his own. This is difficult but you can make it easier by talking about him less and when you think about him, steer your thoughts in another direction.
I know this easier said than done but these steps combined with the fail-proof broken heart treatment will have you better before you know it. The key is to take action and not wallow.
Do you get upset at the thought of your ex moving on? Are you attached to your ex but you want to maintain a friendship? If so, what do you do to make it work?