I work in an atmosphere where what a client wants, a client gets and they won’t leave you alone until you fulfill their RFP to their satisfaction.  This  got me wondering why aren’t we as rigorous with our choice in partners? We’re always willing to settle, we want one thing but we accept another.

Case in point. I had a conversation with one of my friends about my standards. I never asked much from a man except that I like him but I’ve learned that’s not enough. I told her there are somethings that I’m not willing to compromise anymore. An education, gainfully employed, and no kids. She came back at me and said that she’s open to anyone and that she’s not going to be “snotty” and judge people.

*Straight face*

I didn’t try to argue.

I don’t understand why people are so afraid to have standards. Having standards doesn’t mean looking down on other people but it means setting the bar for what you want to deal with and the reality is that if you don’t set standards you’ll allow anyone and all nonsense into your life. My friend? Dates convicted felons. . . And she is gainfully employed, attractive, and pursuing activities to improve herself but because she doesn’t have standards she let’s men in that are from the jump pre-disposed to hurting her.

I was similar. . . Not convicted felon similar but I wasn’t as discerning as I should have been. You can tell a lot about a person from where he/she is in their life and I chose to ignore that because I was always willing to help improve people. But now, I’ve learned you can only help someone so much and I now require for my potentials to be pursuing a similar level of improvement as me. If I can do it, why can’t he?

This is all to say, don’t settle and don’t be afraid to set standards and limits because if not you can make yourself vulnerable to situations  that could have easily been  prevented and there’s no shame in wanting the best for yourself.

What do you think? Are standards good? Or are they judgmental? What are your standards and have you always had them?


8 thoughts on “Standards

  1. RFP… it sounds like you are a rep for a publisher in the advertising world.

    I have standards. My standards are that he needs to have no kids, a Bachelor’s degree, and a career. But the only standard I used to sticked to was that he has no kids.

    My first boyfriend had no kids, only had a high school degree, and had a well paying job but it was not a career. He treated me like a princess! But when I met another guy who also had no kids, was in college working towards getting a Bachelor’s degree, and had a career; I left my first boyfriend for this guy. Even though this guy met all my standards, he ended up breaking my heart. He broke up with me over text while I was at work, gave me no reason to why things were not working out for him, did not try to work things out with me, and the day after he broke up with me he changed his Facebook relationship status to married to his best girl friend as a joke. He also waiting till after his birthday to break up with me because he knew I was going to give him a $300 gift card to Best Buy for his birthday.

    So it is great to have standards because if you are with guy who does not meet all your standards, you might end up leaving him and breaking up with him for another guy who does. But it does not mean the guy who meets all your standards will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Nor does it mean that a guy who does meets all your standards will treat you better than a guy who does not meet all your standards.

  2. I think people are afraid to set standards because they are afraid of being alone. Most people sadly just don’t know how to be with themselves. I can tell this year alone I have turned down sooooooooo many men. LOL
    Really I rather be alone than ever settle again. I feel women do this more than men. Men move on so fast if they feel she ain’t right but women will hold on for dear life as if there ain’t no more men left in the world. It’s sad but true.
    Personally I think if women had more standards than it would cause more of our men to act right.
    Now I’m not suggesting he has to meet all of your expectations…but everyone knows what is important to them and what matters the most in a mate but so many times we over look that just to have a warm body next to us.

  3. @littleweirdout I agree…just because someone has meet all your standards don’t mean he will treat you right but for me the main standard I have is someone who is loyal, respectful towards women, open minded, and faithful…all the other stuff like a career is cool but not necessary…as long as they can take care of themselves in a legal way I don’t care what they do…I think we as women look for the wrong thing as what we consider a good man…what a man has instead of what’s on the inside.

    1. I hear ya but for me I’ve given men the benefit of the doubt and never given thought to their personal advancement instead I think about their potential. I know that money and status don’t make a man but I think that it reflects other characteristics in him. His ethics and character. Of course the most important thing is that he treats you well but can provide you with a solid life.

  4. I don’t think theres anything wrong with standards either… BUT (and yes, it’s a big but!) I think also you need to take each possible guy into a case by case situation. Say he has kids. Find out on the first date first how many he has, their ages, how close of a relationship he has with their mother, why they broke up in the first place and if there are any expectations he may have of you to fill in the role of “step mother”. If for instance, he has a two year old he see’s once a week for a few hours from being a sperm donar…. do you really need to care if he has a kid?

    All I’m saying is that you need to take it on a case by case bases. Getting too wraped up on standards can possibly ruin what could have been possibly a great relationshipt. If you focus on everything and have too many standards then nobody will ever meet let alone reach them and you could possibly have a fear of commitment. Say you meet someone great who just happens to be at a low point in their life, like they lose their job. I think a woman has every right to be upfront about how she feels so he doesn’t automatically think and you feel your obligated to pay for everything because he’s a little down on his luck. Unless it doesn’t matter to you. But then again, that depends on the individual standards. But I think my point is made. 🙂

    1. Great point! And I agree 100%. I’m going to write a follow up on this post because I feel like I need to explore the big “BUT” that you mention because there is a “BUT”. I just don’t know if at this point I’m willing to compromise the way I have in the past where I always justified the “BUT.” I’ll have more on this soon!

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