He’ll Change. . . An Old Excuse

There comes a time in our lives when relationship fails are no longer excusable and I don’t mean the type of mistake where you meet Prince Charming and 4 years into relationship bliss he drops you like a hot potato; I mean a relationship fail where you date the guy with a bullet logged in his eye whose on the “Most Wanted” list,  has 10kids with 9 different women in hopes that “he’ll change.”

I think that time and time again women use this excuse because they don’t value themselves. They don’t want to hold out for something better and they don’t believe they deserve better.

It breaks my heart when I see women consistently make the same mistakes over and over again. I’m not going to say that I’m mistake free but I will say that I’ve learned my lesson and thankfully it only took two times for me to get the hint. I realize that not only was I ignoring red flags but I was also under-estimating myself, selling myself short.

Here I am, an ambitious woman with a plethora of experiences and I was dealing with selfish men that thought it was cute to say, “I’ve never been out the country, so you can take me?” or “Can you cook?” or better yet, “You’re going to help me get ahead.” Why should I have to help you, do the things that I was able to do myself? Why should I deal with someone that only wants to take from me?

When I finally realized that I was consistently getting involved with men who had nothing to offer, I put a stop to it. I realize I much rather be alone than be consistently hurt and used. Like Adele said recently, “No one treats me better than me,” and in my case, no one treats me better than me and my mom; so why not focus my energy on myself and the people who enjoy being with me for the sake of delighting in my company!

If I were to have continued selling myself short and engaging with men that have nothing to offer, I would have no one else to blame but myself. It’s important to realize that you can’t sell yourself short, you can’t change anyone but yourself (and even that’s hard) so you’re better off creating standards and filtering men out based on what you truly deserve instead of picking up whatever comes your way and trying to “change him.”

Do you still believe that you can change a man? Why do women continuously make mistakes and fall into a disastrous pattern when it comes to men? Is it that women want to be caretakers, have low self-esteem, or don’t learn their lessons? Have you been able to break self-destructive dating patterns?

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2 thoughts on “He’ll Change. . . An Old Excuse

  1. “Here I am, an ambitious woman with a plethora of experiences and I was dealing with selfish men that thought it was cute to say, “I’ve never been out the country, so you can take me?” or “Can you cook?” or better yet, “You’re going to help me get ahead.” Why should I have to help you, do the things that I was able to do myself? Why should I deal with someone that only wants to take from me?”

    I read the post; but this section above took me back a bit. Why shouldn’t you deal with someone that wants from me? The premiss of any relationship is “GIVE and TAKE”! Let’s go through the following:

    1 – I’ve never been out the country, so you can take me?
    – This reads to me like a guy who wants you to lead; take charge of the situation and make things happen; for the BOTH of you! Would he have paid for part of the trip – Probably YES! Did you ask him to pay for the trip? Did he say no? You have to mention these things – so we’re not all sitting here generalizing.

    2 – Can you cook?
    – Well; Can YOU? Maybe he knows how to cook and doesn’t want to stuck with a woman who can’t boil water. It’s a fair question! I too have had the opportunity to meet a lot of ambitious woman with a plethora of experiences in my time. A good portion of them can’t even light a match.

    3 – You’re going to help me get ahead.
    – ANY and ALL relationships are based on giving and taking (without expectations…) Lots of people get married because of LOVE and because they truly care about their partners. The keyword here is “PARTNERS”! Partners do their parts; all their efforts in the end – means Emotionally and Financially they work…

    I AGREE with the following: “It’s important to realize that you can’t sell yourself short, you can’t change anyone but yourself.”

    That tidbit of information (advice) is probably to most poignant part of your piece. Nobody knows anybody; at least not that well….

    1. Well, at least I got one thing right. Definitely pointed out how one sided my interpretation can be but my understanding and experience has been that most people want to know what can you do for him/her and not so much what is the even exchange but I guess it’s a matter of looking at the glass half full versus half empty.

      Thanks for your comment!

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