Swag versus Confidence Also Known as That Certain “Je ne sais quoi”

“Girl, I need a man with swag.”

“Oh, hell no! My man has to have swag.”

“I don’t know. He’s missing that certain “je ne sais quoi.”

Swag is something that was part of my requirements for a long time. I wanted a dude who everyone liked, that guy who can charm with a look, the one who could make any woman melt with the lick of the lips.

Women look at swag aka that certain “je ne sais quoi” as a vital characteristic in a man and I’m here to say that swag is not what you  should look for in a partner. Growing up in the  South Bronx, I was surrounded by a lot of swag and all those “je ne sais quoi” dudes are either in a prison, dead, dealing drugs, a deadbeat, or a player.

There is no other way to say it but “swag” is a negative word and “je ne sais quoi” is an elusive french phrase that translates to “I don’t know what. Now I don’t about know you, but I don’t want an unexplainable quality as a prerequisite for love. While a man with a certain something is sexy, it is not really productive in a relationship but it is a great flirting mechanism. Swag is like this shiny, tinsely stuff that detracts from the real stuff.

I think women need to re-configure  their process and learn that swag is not the same as confident, responsible, or even manly. I know that for women, swag is an indicator of all these qualities but it’s not. When we want a man with swag, we don’t really know what we want.

In order to attract and recognize the right man, we need to be clear about what we want and not use these ambiguous terms. Instead of saying, you want a man with “umph,” say you want a sexy man, a confident man, a man with presence, or even a man with authority, but don’t use words that are negative, nondescript, and elusive because that’s exactly who you’ll attract.

Do you want a man with a “certain something?” Do you think a man has to have swag? Is swag the most important quality? Could you be with a man who doesn’t have swag? Do you agree that it’s a negative word?


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