About a week ago, I was listening to an interview with Tamar Braxton & Vince Herbert (from Braxton Family Values/ Tamar & Vince) on Power 105 and the topic of Tamar’s sister’s (Trina) marriage came up and she went in. She said that her sister deserves better. She is pretty, funny, and all around great.
She deserves better. Period (Her husband is a notorious cheater).
I’ve heard Tamar make these statements several times about all of her sisters’ marriage which consist of an unemployed husband, a cheater, and unsupportive man but hearing it again, I wondered why don’t her sisters believe that they deserve better? Why does their sister believe in them more than they believe in themselves?
Before I get into why, I have to go back to a recent conversation that I had with a close friend. We were catching up over pomegranate margaritas and white wine sangria when we started updating each other on our dating life. In the middle of my update, she stopped me and said, “You deserve better!” I looked at her like, “whatda’ya mean?!” She continued, “I imagine you with a sophisticated, worldly man who you can live a life of luxury, and European gentilities. A man who wants to travel, speaks multiple languages, and has a penchant for traveling.” I was stunned into silence. She continued:
“I don’t know why, but I want this man for you, but I don’t even expect them for myself.”
Needless to say, I was shocked. Why me? And not you?
I think this statement answers all my questions two-folds. It’s easy to want great things for someone else but it’s not easy to want them for ourselves. My friend has a wonderful boyfriend but he’s not the Prince that my friend expects for me.
While I know that I have a lot to offer and what I merit, I also know that it can come in different packages. While I speak 3 languages, love Europe, and more than appreciate the finer things in life, it doesn’t mean that love, affection, and support looks the same as me. Often when people say you deserve better, they are not thinking about your feelings and needs but more of your superficial characteristics. While I say that this is often the case, I won’t say that this is always the case. Sometimes we really are choosing partners that are undeserving of our love. In Tamar’s case, she’s right; her sister deserves better but at the same time people have made the same critique about Tamar’s marriage because of the contrast between her and her husband’s appearance. She must have married her husband for money because she couldn’t possibly be attracted to a big man. . .
The thing is that everyone has something to say, and my friend, after her “You deserve better” speech, said it best, “Relationships are very personal.” As long as you value yourself, and feel confident, and cherished in your relationship then you are good. When you feel unhappy, dissatisfied, and disrespected then you need to say, “I deserve better.”