This is the first installment of a 4 part post from AnonymousMale 1 . InternetDrama needed a little male perspective especially on this mind-boggling issue. Why do men let the “Good Women” pass them by? Enjoy Part 1 of “Why Men Don’t Choose “The Good Woman?” “ And check out AnonymousMale 1’s site for an honest and straight-forward male point of view on relationships.
I have a friend, lets call him Kevin for this post and, recently we were discussing his situation with two women. Kevin is single, late 30’s, a great job and has never been married. He’s been close to marriage on at least one occasion that I can remember years ago while we were stationed together in Hawaii. However, he has never taken the commitment plunge.
As Kevin and I were talking he began talking about this girl that he had been seeing in an on again off again basis. He simply could not understand how she basically made their relationship appear so insignificant. This fact bothered him and the fact that he had no control in how she felt or what she did bothered him even more.
As men I joked about the fact that he was whipped, and that’s why he couldn’t just let it go and move on. We laughed about it as he swore that this wasn’t the case. However, I watched him for several days and observed how his eyes lit up whenever she called, even though generally when she called it was to ask for something that would cost him money.
On the flip side of this story he also had a intelligent, attractive hard-working girl that he occasionally lived with whom thought the world of him. She cooked for him, cleaned for him, made sure he was comfortable and that all of his needs were met (according to him) both in and out of bed. Lets call her woman #2.
Once while we were out at a bar drinking a few beers woman #2 called. She simply wanted to know if he was ok and to let him know that she had cooked him dinner and placed it in the microwave so that he could eat when he arrived home. She was on her way to work and wouldn’t be there when he came by.
I watched this scenario play out between Kevin and these two women for close to a month before I had to ask this question of him. Dude, what the f**k are you thinking about? I wanted to know, how in the world could he be even remotely interested in a woman who basically didn’t give a shit about him and then him not give a shit about this woman (#2) who was everything any real man could ever want?
Internet Drama 
Once when I was younger I really wanted a playstation, now this is in the good old days when they went for 400$ and I was 12 at the time so that was a LOT of money. I worked and saved all summer long so that I could afford one. Once I had it I thought only about what I wanted next, not about what I had or what it had taken to earn it.
Now, I’m not comparing a woman to an object but what I am doing is saying that lusting after a woman and desiring something (anything) really aren’t so different from one another if you aren’t in touch with a woman as a person as opposed to a thing. Some men are addicted to the thrills women provide (the chase) and not to the comfort and/or support. It sounds like number one provides your friend with his thrills, while number 2 provides him with the support he needs to chase woman number one. Sad…truly sad. -Jmckee84
I completely understand your point, but like you said it’s sad because we’re human and not objects. No one deserves to be “worked for” and thrown away. That’s why we always need to evaluate what we want before we go after it and get involved. Unfortunate but I guess it’s part of being human. . .
I don’t think we’ll ever know why men don’t choose the good girl. But girls don’t either. We all love a good challenge!
Definitely! Challenges are good but then there are the good people that get burned in that challenge! My thing is when this good woman or man has everything. Personality, looks, caring, etc. Isn’t nice to have someone that cares for you instead of giving you a hard time?
I don’t know that I’d find someone who has it all to be that appealing. If they have it all, why do they want me? Imperfections are sexy. The world really works in strange ways!
I’ve had the great for me guys…and I’ve had the terrible for me guys.
Which one did I enjoy more?
Duh, the bad one.
Why?
Because it’s the thrill, the excitement, the chase…in other words… its not boring. I’m also 100% self sufficient, and ‘having a man’ doesn’t complete me, it should compliment my characteristics and be enjoyable, not predictable.
We all want to believe we can change another person… and its that we hold on to, hope, of being heavily influential that we would inevitably turn this bad dude, into a good dude.
I personally never enjoyed the romantic gestures by Sweet Boys, the gifts, the fancy dates. Because I wasn’t INTO them after a few months. But if you get me the bi-polar, depressed, broke, guitar player, alcoholic… just a text message from him at 4am will keep me on cloud nine.
(Clearly I’m grossly exagerating)
But like jmckee84 says, its always better to earn the attention, than it is to have it handed to you on a silver platter…
This sounds way to exhausting but the beauty of being an individual is that we all have unique things that excite us and make us happy. But I wonder, excitement is always great but isn’t it a bit superficial? Who says that a good person can’t be exciting? Why is that person automatically boring? A catch or a good/bad partner is relative to a point but what if a person let’s go of someone that encompasses all their desires? Whether it be excitement or someone waiting at home for him/her?
I totally agree with you! It is exhausting.
My point wasn’t that good people aren’t boring, and think questioning all the hypotheticals are also exhausting.
But good/bad partners are subjective. I was just looking for the humor in dating a bad boy 🙂
Could you explain what you mean by “a bit superficial?” Excitment to me = stomach flips, surprises, keeping each other on your toes, a passionate discussion. A night home watching a movie, though wonderful and neccessary, doesn’t always fit the bill. Its with that same logic, that a night at home would mean wholesome and down to earth?
I guess thats the point of the post, and the other posts from gentlemans blog about a guys view to dating. We could rack up a ton of ways how good AND bad partners are exciting. But then we would solve all our questions, all find mates and have nothing to blog about. 🙂
Good point! We need to continue being complicated so that blogs and opinions don’t become extinct. lol.
By “superficial” I mean that there is more to life than excitement because that’s all momentary. What about someone that is exciting and will stick with you through the good and the bad. I agree that good/bad partners are relative, to an extent, because I think we all have some basic needs that are universal: love, support, consideration. But again like you said, if we were all that easy the world wouldn’t be what it is. . .
After reading the full article I think it is more about a man’s ego. They want what does not come easy for them, not in terms of sex but in terms of emotions. With woman number 1 he does not quite know where he stands with her. She seems to not care or show much interest. So when she does throw some attention his way, it becomes more valuable to him than woman #2 who is always emotionally available to him. She does not hide her feelings and it becomes easy (less valuable) to him.
I would like to think I am a good woman but at 38 years old, single, never married, no children I have to wonder whether I should have spent more time learning to be more like woman #1. I have tried, but it just doesn’t feel authentic to me. I don’t want to have to pretend to be someone I’m not just to get a man’s interest long term. I’m at a loss.
What if you had not had that conversation with “Kevin”? How long would it have taken him to realize on his own that woman #2 is the better option?